Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
