im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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