If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize