I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
