i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
