i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
