How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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