Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
