guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
