Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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