Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
