I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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