Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
