just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
