In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
