Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
