I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize