I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
