The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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