yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
