I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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