if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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