This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
