you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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