i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
