great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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