Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
