I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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