i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
