That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
