The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
