sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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