I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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