cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
