i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
