When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
