i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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