worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
