So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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