What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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