it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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