my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
