I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
