Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
