dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
