we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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