i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize