but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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