i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
