no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize