If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
