Kiss
Puke
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
