I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
