So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
