Just fell off a train. Bad.
one two three fourrrrnication!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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