I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
