): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
