I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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