Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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