"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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