You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
