My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
