but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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