Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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