he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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