And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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