Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
